hot tears loosed down my cheeks as i struggled to make sense of what was going on in my mind.
why did i feel so alone?
in an effort to quiet my soul, i picked up my phone and read the first passage that came up on my bible app.
"let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones that you have broken rejoice." - psalm 51:8
i stopped, and read it again. the bones that you have broken.
for some reason, this phrase was fresh and new to me. cutting the raw that hurt so badly.____
i've had tendency a of late. where i see the worst of things, and not the better. and i see myself doing it. i try to will myself to think of good things. to stop using so many words. to just stop talking. instead i see myself, as if i'm looking on from another place, go on and on. trying to convey my thoughts. my feelings. my frustration. my judgement.
when did i turn into this?
if things don't go exactly how i think they should, i'm disappointed and at times, i wring my hands instead of raise them with joy. even when most is going so well, it only takes one thing. one expectation not met. and my joy escapes me.
i hate it.
in that desperate moment last night, God was so kind to remind me. he breaks the bones. he allows the pain, to bring about a clean heart. a heart after him. full of joy.
whether these bones are literal or metaphorical, they are still broken. whoever you are, and whatever your lot, the pain is still real. your eyes burn the same from the tears. your soul searches the same for relief. but these broken bones can rejoice.
because, there is grace. and there are new mercies for each day.
if you're new to this blog or not, you might see a bit of a redundancy in my posts. and i admit, there is. no matter what i tend to be talking about, it seems to come full-circle to this idea of grace.
and that might not be a revelation to you, hearing it so often. but for me, it is.
because every day that i see my sin, i see that grace. and it astounds me.