January 30, 2012

fear at 4 am.

it's funny how quickly we forget.

yesterday morning i was startled awake at 4 a.m. by the carbon monoxide alarm.

of all the people in living in our little house, i was the only one that heard it.

it was chirping, but in my wakened stupor I was perplexed by it, since it was plugged in. I silenced it a few times, and then the alarm went off in my hand.

fear flooded my mind. and anxiety swelled in my heart. I thought about the sweet little boy silently sleeping in the next room. I couldn't think straight. my thoughts were screaming and the dark stillness of our home was deafening.

I woke nick up. for the second time. and as he calmly assessed the situation, he offered some words of encouragement.
"baby, you need to calm down. this is not going to help anything.

you need to have faith."

it turns out it was just a battery reserve check. I must have set the test alarm off in my frustrated attempts to silence the thing.

it's funny how we forget so quickly. of the god that sustains us, and holds us in his hand. it's funny how we forget such truth in the small events. and the mundane living of our lives.

and it's grace how we remember. when we actually need it.

and as I sit here in the hospital beside my beloved once again, I remember. I am calm. I have faith.

and my soul clings to the truth I dare not forget.

1 comment:

  1. Ashley, I truly love your posts and your sweet spirit. I so wish Josh and I could've spent more time with you and Nick when we were still in NC. I'm praying for you and your family--Lots of love from SoCal!


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