October 3, 2013

on seeing beauty in weakness: a hiatus.

"For like a shaft, clear and cold, the thought pierced him 
that in the end the Shadow was only a small and passing thing: 
there was light and high beauty for ever beyond its reach." 
— J.R.R. Tolkien (The Return of the King)

and just as fast as this started, it ends.

I knew that this topic was going to stretch me, and had hopes that I would grow during it. but I didn't expect the lesson to come so swiftly. or for it to be so raw.

friends, I am tired. and have been struggling to find the words for this challenge. some have come, but not enough--and not without their share of tears. 

I've been in the habit lately of stretching myself too thinly. asking too much of myself because of good intentions. thankfully I have a gracious husband that was kind to remind me that I can't do it all. or even nearly as much as I think I can. and, maybe I should consider taking a break, until I have enough to pour into it all that I want to.

so, I'm taking a break from this topic (before I even really get started). but I will be working on it in the background and when it's time, will be so excited to share it with you. for now, this blog will be simply little bits of our life and my heart. little snapshots of the beauty in my life.

because friends, I am weak.
I am overwhelmed by a lack of rest and an abundance of doing.
I am worn out.

but there is beauty in my weakness. because where I am weak, my god is strong.

so today, I am learning how to rest in the strength that is found in my redeemer.

and oh, it's humbling. 
I am not there yet. but today, I am choosing to see the beauty in my weakness. because there is something precious in knowing that though I am a flawed creature, there is hope. and that when come to the end of myself, there is only room to grow.

see you soon.


  1. Sleep my love. Sleep. This blog will be here when you return. <3

  2. We went through the same thing about the time Melanie turned 6months old :) I was so tired. And tired of being tired. And life was just survival management: food, clean clothes, no mold in the bathrooms :D. Which was serving my family, but slightly boring for me. But there wasn't any extra energy to do anything else more fun, even if I did have the time. At some point in a quiet time I was impressed with the thought: This is not how it was meant to be. This struggle to survive, to provide for ourselves is harder than it was created to be. Because of Sin. But that didn't mean I couldn't fight for joy. It was a season of just pouring out my self in sacrifice for others. Even to the point of "death" (aka exhaustion). But I could have joy. Because I was fighting sin. Because to die is to live in Christ and I wasn't living for myself but to fulfill HIS calling during this season of raising young kids. It helped me a lot to realize that cleaning up another potty training mess with joy, walking the 3yr old through the 12th fit of the day with patience, and cleaning the bathroom with Luke after the kids were in bed when we both just wanted to collapse on the couch - these things were all a direct attack on sin. You have to give up a lot (We were buying birthday/Christmas presents instead of making them, my winter decorations were traded out for fall ones, I served in nursery at church once a month and that was all, many parts of our home were clean, but cluttered, we ate leftovers on purpose more times than I want to recall, Our fellowship with friends was limited to HG meetings, etc...) but that was the season God had led me to: one of sacrifice for the good of having a family and spending time training, enjoying, and building relationships with our two girls. That year felt like forever, but it was only a small season. It has passed - mostly. Now that both the girls are older and more independent and their mini chores actually accomplish something life is easier, more fun for us. I'm not tired all the time, our house is uncluttered once again, and we've had a few fun evenings inviting neighbors over for bonfires. I'm able to work on fun, little projects occasionally both for our house and for others. It still takes a lot of time, but we've found our stride for now. And I'm grateful for the lesson in continual selfless giving. I think that is a part of how we found our stride. And I'm going to come back and read this comment in about 8 weeks when we have an infant around once again! Hehe. Have a good day friend. I'm glad you have a blog and can know what is going on in your life.

  3. And there was this: http://www.canonwired.com/featured/too-many-straws/. At the moment of exhaustion when the day was only 1/2 over. The reminder that I can pour and trust that God will provide the overflowing even if I feel there's nothing left to pour out. And he did. Every single time.

  4. I can't even express (although I try) how proud I am of you, today and always.


hey, friend! thanks for your comment--so glad you're here!