March 17, 2012

this momentary affliction.

what a week this has been.

i've written about fighting for joy. i've written about loving through. and, on a practical level, these two things seem to be at the forefront of my mind just beyond my grasp.

instead of resting in the truths that i know so well, or basking in the presence of my blessed little family, or laying on my face before the lord, i have found myself trying to fix everything. to fix our lives. by myself.

and, i am worn thin.
i suppose there are times in each of our lives when we come to the point that feel as if there is nothing left to give. that there is nothing left of us that is worth, well, anything. that we need to fight with everything in us, not to give up. for me, this has been my past few weeks. i am so, very tired. my heart is weary. my soul feels stretched so thin that is might just pull apart into nothing.

but there is still hope.

there is grace for each day. there is hope for each tomorrow. there are promises for each, passing moment of my existence.

this is a momentary affliction.

yesterday i began to realized that i have, indeed, come to my end. that i don't have anything left to give. i am worn out from giving. i am exhausted from caring. i am depleted from doing.

and, well, i started to realize that that's a good place to be.

i need to let go. i need to rest in the truths that i know so well, and cling to them with all that i have, moment by moment. i need to bask in the presence of my blessed little family that i am so unworthy of. i need to do some serious laying on my face before the lord. and, i need to have the right perspective. in other words, i need to chill out.

but, i must not lose heart. 

this season is momentary. even if it lasts longer than i expect.
so we do not lose heart. though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. for this light momentary affliction is preparing us for an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. for the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal. - 2 corinthians 4:16-18
instead of worrying about whether the laundry gets done. or the if floors get scrubbed. or if people think that i am a good wife & mother. and, ultimately, instead of wallowing in my eventual failure, i need to look beyond, and trust that there is work being done in this tired heart of mine. i need to not lose heart, and know that i am being changed for the better. my marriage will be stronger. and the morning will be brighter than if i had never walked through this shadow.

and when i think on things like this, i realize what a wonderful place this is to be.  



  1. Amen. YOU are AMAZING. Our lot is not chosen by us, but rather blessed upon us for only he knows that we are STRONG enough to handle what he bestows. Soon, very soon, you will wake refreshed and know that you have triumphed through this challenging time, and you'll look back to see what an amazing woman you became because of it. <3 You!

  2. I have been praying for you every day, Ashley. Sometimes after we have been going through a very intense time, when we get close to the end of it, everything begins to crash in on us. I know that God is huge in your life and he Will give you all the grace and strength you need. He will not give you more than His grace can handle. Thank you for your blog posts, they have really ministered to me. I love how open and honest you are. It is so refreshing and sincere. Love you !!

  3. Don't know if I was the first to say this...I doubt it; I probably heard it somewhere and picked it up, but it has proven so true in my little life. "Where I end, God begins." Simple, isn't it? But so true.

    And it seems like no matter how many times I have those face-to-the-floor-before-the-Lord moments, I still eventually go back into my "I can do this myself" mode which gets me worn out and into a whole sticky wicket of trouble.

    Yet I know there is grace for us in the Lord's goodness and He will always take us back in when we cry out to Him.

    *Hugs to your family!*

    Sarah Bosse


hey, friend! thanks for your comment--so glad you're here!