overwhelmed.

"rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. do not quench the spirit."

 - 1 thessalonians 5:16-19 

you're never done growing.

i know this far from being a new concept, but it's a fresh reminder for me today.

there has been a battle waging in my heart these past few days..
a tugging.
a battle.

between self.
selfishness versus selflessness.

at times, i feel a little crazy. 

i bounce between thankfulness and thanklessness.

sometimes within the same breath.

speaking truth to myself in the midst of a struggle is not something i'm very good at.

or more accurately, actually listening to the truth i'm spewing at myself more often than not is a weakness i still have.

still, i have been overwhelmed by how blessed i am. over and over. because, i forget.
so incredibly blessed.

by our little family.

with two healthy children.
in our little house.
full of more things than we need.
full of healthy food for us to eat.
and so full of love.

what more do i need?

and yet, it's just not enough. more than i'd like to admit.

so, what more do i need?

i need the holy spirit. 

to breathe life into my bones.
to call me to the Word and to meditate on its promises that can satisfy like nothing else.
to turn this heart back into clay, when the dry air of life starts to harden it into stone once more.
to remind me of the cross.

so that extending grace is my first response.
because i see all the grace extended to me.

grace that i didn't deserve.
that i don't deserve.

but by God's kindness, is mine.

so today, will you life me up in prayer?
i want this desire to be my reality.

before the goodness of this life gobbles up my attention once again.

because this good is not the greatest.
this temporal is not eternal.

this life will not in itself satisfy.

and that, my friends, is just fine by me.

love.