the little lady is teething, and has been for weeks with no progress in sight. the poor thing wakes constantly, whining, moaning and wanting to nurse each time. my mama heart aches for her--she still has a sweet and happy disposition despite her discomfort, but she's had a go of it for sure.
this morning, I was tired. really, it was less graceful than that and more like haggard. my groggy, scratchy voice cut through the morning air in more ways than one as I snapped at coen for being too rough with his sister. even though he wasn't trying to be mean.
oh, his face. and oh, my heart.
my selfishness smacked me in the face, along with a reminder that I have countless reasons to be thankful, joyful even, in the midst of this sleepless season. one of these reasons was staring back at me, his eyes full of hurt.
I realized that I needed to hit the reset button.
____
recently, I read somewhere (I wish I could remember where) about the idea--and sometimes the necessity--of "hitting reset" on your day. just starting it over, and letting the first attempt(s) go. I tend to fall easily into self-pity when I feel I've been less than I should, and this idea of just wiping the slate and starting fresh was revolutionary. but honestly I hadn't given much thought to it since.
but today, I did. and then I had to hit it a few more times. but you know what? it worked. my attitude shifted, and my goal changed. it was no longer to have my children be quiet so I could rest, but that my speech and tone and actions were loving and my heart was thankful and that my children felt loved.
this. this active pursuit of changing my thoughts to reflect what I know is right and who I want to be, is what I want to win out in those moments of weakness. to turn from my sin, instead of dwelling on it.
in my devotions this morning, I read this:
"fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, and you are mine."
- Isaiah 43:1b
I want to rest in this, remembering whose I am, and who loves me right where I am. I am his, despite how many times I have to start my day over. and I can start my day over, because I am his.
love.
Yes. This. Thank you for sharing your heart in this. Beautifully said. Some days lately, for me, it feels like I have to constantly be pushing my reset button. So thankful that I can, and for grace.
ReplyDeleteI love how honest this post is. I beat myself up all the time for getting frustrated with my son or feeling overwhelmed when we've had a day that didn't go so well. Yesterday was one of those days for me and I feel like I needed to be reminded of this. :) Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteOh, Ash. So needed this today. And can't wait to start my day over this second, tomorrow, and a million times after.
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