10.7.14

dear n--

i hate when you're sick.

your fevers come so quickly, and the feelings of helplessness and anxiety follow right behind. the world seems so much more fragile when i hold your little body, lying limply and uncomfortably.

it makes me feel helpless.

motherhood is hard. it makes you feel thin and fragile and vulnerable in new ways. but, just as it is when you find someone that loves you for who you are--for your very soul and self--this new vulnerability and fragility is sweet, as much as it is terrifying.

perhaps one day you'll be a mother as well. and you'll feel the surge of bare, fervent love for a person that is so much like you, but still so much their own self. whatever your future holds, i know you'll love well.
_____

i've learned more of God's love for his children through having my own. and he has proven the faithfulness of his love for this little family of ours time and time again.

he carried you safely as he formed your beautiful self in my belly, he carries you now as you navigate these first few years in this big world, and he will carry you every day after, whatever comes your way.

and so today, i'm reminding myself that he is the one that held you first, and he will hold you always. i hope you grasp firmly this truth to heart early on, and never allow anxiousness to take hold when things don't go as planned, and when the things of life get hard.

this world and our bodies are fragile and vulnerable, but the moments are beautiful.
and they can be found in the ordinary, like these sick-day snuggles we share while you mend.

love,
mama.