February 28, 2012

on expectations & marriage.

my dear friend courtney from vintch has partnered with a couple of other lovelies to do a relationship series. this week's topic is on expectations, & so i thought i'd join them in talking about it as it relates to my life & marriage. 

i live a fairytale life.

yes, i mean that. with all of my heart. amidst the hospital trips, health scares, & overall trials of the past two years, i have found myself to be the happiest i've ever been. than i thought was even possible.

let me back up a moment. i've lived a lot of life. and much of it i'm anything but proud of. i am the encapsulation of a sinner in need of god's grace. but my tale is one that is laced with a theme. of redeeming love.

in this life, i have seen relationship after relationship crumble. marriage after marriage fail. and so many people disillusioned with love. i was one of the worst. i wanted to believe that love--that marriage--could be more than i had seen. but i feared that it was a lonely, solitary institution. full of self-doubt and neglect in the end.

but god found me. god's love redeemed me. and drastically changed my life after high school. changed my heart of stone. i gave up dating. for over five years. i waited. i hoped. that god had someone for me. knowing that if he didn't, i still had him.

and now back to the point. though i hoped for god's best for me, i had no real evidence that it could be something special. something strong & beautiful. an unwavering love. unconditional. like the love that i had found in god. i had made a list of qualities. of expectations. over the years the list changed. to reflect not the expectations, but the needs that i knew i had. i knew i needed to be unwavering.

eventually, there were a couple of relationships. i waited through them patiently. i desperately wanted to be loved, to find my love. wanting to make them work. but in the end, i decided that i would rather be alone than settle.

then i found him, right under my nose. one of my dearest friends. my handsome, talented, loving, funny, god-loving man. we fell hard. in love. in deeper than i ever though one could love another.

i thought it couldn't last. but i had found a man that loved god more than anything. and loved me despite my faults. my fears. my self-conscious complaints.

he loves me unconditionally. & that love has redeemed my heart. to love fully and without fear. he has exceeded my expectations. he is my answer to prayer.

one thing that i have learned these past years is that god has a plan for your life. it is a plan that is beyond your expectations. no matter how long & hard the path may seem, settling can never be an option. through it all, your expectations need to be in god. not in the ability of another flawed person.

i didn't settle. my expectations were exceeded. i have found my love.

and i'm never letting go.


  1. Oh girl, what an absolutely beautiful post! God is SO good! And I'm so glad He showed up for you in such a major way.

  2. Very sweet. I enjoyed your post very much!

  3. I love this!! It made me cry. We love you so much !!

  4. Twas fun to watch happen from the sidelines and have a small part in it too!

  5. Love you and Nick sooooo much! You do have a great story


hey, friend! thanks for your comment--so glad you're here!