February 28, 2012

on expectations & marriage.

my dear friend courtney from vintch has partnered with a couple of other lovelies to do a relationship series. this week's topic is on expectations, & so i thought i'd join them in talking about it as it relates to my life & marriage. 

i live a fairytale life.

yes, i mean that. with all of my heart. amidst the hospital trips, health scares, & overall trials of the past two years, i have found myself to be the happiest i've ever been. than i thought was even possible.

let me back up a moment. i've lived a lot of life. and much of it i'm anything but proud of. i am the encapsulation of a sinner in need of god's grace. but my tale is one that is laced with a theme. of redeeming love.

in this life, i have seen relationship after relationship crumble. marriage after marriage fail. and so many people disillusioned with love. i was one of the worst. i wanted to believe that love--that marriage--could be more than i had seen. but i feared that it was a lonely, solitary institution. full of self-doubt and neglect in the end.

but god found me. god's love redeemed me. and drastically changed my life after high school. changed my heart of stone. i gave up dating. for over five years. i waited. i hoped. that god had someone for me. knowing that if he didn't, i still had him.

and now back to the point. though i hoped for god's best for me, i had no real evidence that it could be something special. something strong & beautiful. an unwavering love. unconditional. like the love that i had found in god. i had made a list of qualities. of expectations. over the years the list changed. to reflect not the expectations, but the needs that i knew i had. i knew i needed to be unwavering.

eventually, there were a couple of relationships. i waited through them patiently. i desperately wanted to be loved, to find my love. wanting to make them work. but in the end, i decided that i would rather be alone than settle.

then i found him, right under my nose. one of my dearest friends. my handsome, talented, loving, funny, god-loving man. we fell hard. in love. in deeper than i ever though one could love another.

i thought it couldn't last. but i had found a man that loved god more than anything. and loved me despite my faults. my fears. my self-conscious complaints.

he loves me unconditionally. & that love has redeemed my heart. to love fully and without fear. he has exceeded my expectations. he is my answer to prayer.


one thing that i have learned these past years is that god has a plan for your life. it is a plan that is beyond your expectations. no matter how long & hard the path may seem, settling can never be an option. through it all, your expectations need to be in god. not in the ability of another flawed person.

i didn't settle. my expectations were exceeded. i have found my love.

and i'm never letting go.

6 comments:

  1. Oh girl, what an absolutely beautiful post! God is SO good! And I'm so glad He showed up for you in such a major way.

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  2. Very sweet. I enjoyed your post very much!

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  3. I love this!! It made me cry. We love you so much !!

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  4. Twas fun to watch happen from the sidelines and have a small part in it too!

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  5. Love you and Nick sooooo much! You do have a great story

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hey, friend! thanks for your comment--so glad you're here!