seizing a moment (or at least a half).

confession: i don't take very good care of myself.

i've been blessed with a generally-healthy disposition, i avoid doctors unless it's unavoidable and, at times, i'm pretty sure i think i'm invincible. but the reality is that i barely exercise, drink more coffee than water in a day unless i pay attention, and get sick pretty frequently. 

yes, we've had our share of crazy around here the past few years. we've lived through serious health issues, church planting, financial strain, losing a baby, welcoming a baby, and the normal bits of life mixed in. so yes, i think i've been perpetually exhausted for the past three years.

but it's more than that.

when it comes to caring for myself (both physically and spiritually), i've learned how lazy i can really be. it's so much easier to just watch a movie after running around with these two little ones, keeping up trying to get a handle on laundry, the dishes and the food off the floor. there are so many excuses readily available for me to pick and choose from, and allow me to forgo what i really need. 

it's come to a head lately--my body has been freaking out on me, and my emotions have been of the out-of-control-barely-hanging-on variety more than i'd like to admit. so, something had to change. and i've made some progress! i've been working out fairly regularly (for me at least), limiting myself to two (okay, sometimes three) cups of coffee a day, and doing some other things to help get myself in a little better shape. it's helped some, too.

but what i've realized is that my heart needs to be in the right place, along with my motivation, for any of it to really take effect, or even really matter. let me explain: 

i want to be a good steward of all the things i've been blessed with--this body, this mind, this husband, these children, and this life. but most importantly, i want to be a good steward with the most precious gift i've been given in the redeeming love of the gospel. 

and if that's my desire, then i need to start there. with my soul. and know that the rest will follow, as an overflow of the heart.

so what does this look like for me right now?

one//my quiet times have been short, but sweet. right now i'm mostly just following the #shereadstruth plans (i highly recommend it, ladies), with a little bit of spurgeon's morning & evening when i can. 

two//i think more of others when i consider what to eat or not eat, whether it's to ease my breastfed baby's gas, thinking of how i want to have energy to love and raise my children well ten years from now, or wanting my husband to delight in the fact that i am his. 

three//i think again of the long-term effects of not exercising when given the opportunity, and have found myself more resolute in taking time (even if it's twenty, interrupted minutes) to condition this aching body.

it's nothing special, or even impressive. but i'm starting somewhere and i've seen so much fruit already. i've witnessed a transformation in the way i see things, the way i respond (or more importantly, don't respond) and am so encouraged. 

i feel as if i have been refreshed in my vision for my life, in so many areas. recentering my thoughts on what matters most has allowed for all the other things to dim, just a little, and it has wet my appetite for more. 

so how do i want to grow? 

one//spend longer in the word, and incorporate extended time for payer, journaling and memorizing scripture. i also want to be working through a book in the evenings (like maybe finishing one thousand gifts, finally).

two//cut out more sugar and maybe some caffeine from my day. sugar (usually in the form of coffee) is my crutch when i tired or overwhelmed, and just makes me feel more gross. i've known i need to cut it out for awhile now, so it's time.

three//exercise three times a week. even if it's short. just that basic discipline alone will help me achieve a lot of my goals, i know. and while it's still shoot out, be prepared to see a lot of instagrams of yoga mats and atoning yoga. 

if you think of it, ask me how i'm doing in these areas. lord knows, i need accountability. :)

love.