oh hey, 2014.

here we are, nestling into the new year, and i'm already behind.

i had plans of writing down my goals, dreams and hopes. i wanted to recount lessons learned and all the blessings and hardships the last year held for us. but none of that is finished, and really, it's barely started. but i'm throwing out the guilt of not being where i want to be, and embracing something new.

you see, my mind has been full these last few weeks, as the holidays kept us busy and the year came to a tiring close. i've struggled to wade through the thoughts and emotions swirling around me, i've found myself overwhelmed.

overwhelmed at the kindness of God seen so evidently in our lives this year.
in the blessing of our baby girl, who makes our hearts swell.
the blessing of a new job for nick, that starts on monday, and has answered so many of our long-suffering prayers and petitions.
the blessing of our marriage and that tomorrow marks five years with the man that loves me so well.
the blessing of so much grace in this year spent healing and recovering from years of trial, sickness and brokenness.
the blessing in finding myself again.

and this is when i realized that i want this year to be different. that i want to change how i see things, and how i see myself. because there is so much more for me to do. so much for me to take from the past few years and put it to use and live fuller and breathe deeper and grow better.

instead of resolutions or goals or lists (though some of those will still be part of life, for sanity's sake), i'm choosing a word that i want to be the theme of this new year.
an anthem of sorts.
that i want my life to show and my soul to breathe and my heart to embrace.

this year, i'm striving to be free.

free from the guilt that weighs on me when i don't do the things when or how i want.
free from self-pity and discontent when i feel i don't "measure up" to others.
free from comparing and condemning and from the lie that my merit is based in my perfection.

instead, i want to be free in who christ ransomed me to be. in the woman that God made me. freely found in the fact that i will never be perfect. free to love, and be loved. and, because of grace and my glorious savior, that's okay.

so here's to 2014. may it be blessed and full of freeness found in that beautiful grace.

love.