2.10.14

Praying

It doesn't have to be

the blue iris, it could be

weeds in a vacant lot, or a few

small stones; just

pay attention, then patch

a few words together and don't try

to make them elaborate, this isn't

a contest but the doorway

into thanks, and a silence in which

another voice may speak.

- Mary Oliver

love.

FJM

today is the fifteenth anniversary of my grandfather's death.

rhododendrons from my grandparents' yard

he was more than just a loved grandfather. he was my confidant. my protector. my hero. my best friend.

i still miss him so.

My Grandfather was a man who died too soon, yet not soon enough.

I talked to you
As I walked through
The yellowed field
To the graveyard.


You spoke to me
On the stale breeze
Then watched me leave—
Back to my car.


Ten long years past
The times you thrashed
In pain—I can
Still hear your cries.

It wasn’t fair
you died. I, scared,
Avoided stares
From your dim eyes.


Your daffodils
Bloom in March still,
Despite the chill
Of early spring

At home, New Jersey,
Under a tree
They speak to me.

They wish you didn’t leave.

how quickly things change.

i wrote this just a few months ago. it's the first poem i've written in over a year. oh, it felt good to write.

i don't want to be here. 

i don't want to be here, in room 7023.
this new room greets us with an odd familiarity.
the mirror image of our second home floods my vision,
while unwanted memories dig into my senses. 

i don't want to remember this pain that comes
in waves of moans and groans and seething breaths,
reflecting what's inside of him,
echoed in me. unending,
resonating, these recollections
stare me in the face. they are reality.
and each time i cringe. 

i can hardly stand these monotonous idle hours,
these ridiculous channels--
time passes here like a slow
dull creak on ancient floorboards
bereft of normal wanderings. 

even at this first encounter, i know it so well,
this mirror image. it remains a reminder of the pain, that
we have been here before. but,
we have been here before and left.
we may be here now, but we will leave. 

and my beloved will be alright.

____

and how alright he is. praise God for his faithfulness.

love.